Girls- Healing From Husband’s Pornography?
Question by : Girls- Healing From Husband’s Pornography?
I need to get an opinion from the ladies who have been in my state of affairs and how they learned to cope. While we had been dating, our dating was put on the line whilst I accidentally discovered my husband’s pornography on his laptop. He explained that as a result of we were virgins, he had certain needs that I couldn’t supply to him at that time, so it was the simplest way he may satisfy them. Since he claimed to be a man odf God and were are practicing Christians, I was harm and confused, but it somewhat made really really feel in my thoughts. After that he vowed to prevent because of the damage it was doing to his relationship with God and with me. It was swept beneath the rug since then, and I figured it had stopped like he stated. Now, I am not the typical low-self-esteem dramatic/jealous female. I had always had a excellent body image, taking good care of myself, confident approximately my sex appeal/image. But I secretly hurt from this for months, I decided to be effective and try to be the higher woman to draw his eyes again to me. Although I was by no means overweight, misplaced 30 pounds- I am 5’4″ and went from 128 to 98lbs, wore attractive lingerie, every day, and after our wedding did no matter what he sought after in the bed room with a sexy and positive attitude. At that aspect he had informed me that he was no longer looking at pornography because he realized how damaging it was in his spiritual stroll and in our relationship, he said that his center was for me and I was the only lady he wanted to see. I idea we had a wonderful sex life- we lost our virginity to each other, and I was very open and creative about trying issues in the bedroom, romantic/kinky/sexy/exotic/spontaneous and I may even try to suppose of things the ones girls in the porn videos would do to drive him wild. He asked me to acquire some weight back because I missed my curves, so I brought my weight to 110lbs, where he said I was absolutely perfect. We were regular shoppers at Ambiance and lover stores. For birthdays and Christmas he would pick out the sexiest factor in his mind from Victoria’s mystery he wanted me to wear, and I would model it in form of strip tease. He even made several comments about how I will never get boring in the bedroom. Obviously, I was extra than surprised after 5 months of marriage, I found that he had been watching porn after only a month and a half of our marriage. I was devastated because I trusted him to be the first one with my body, and thought that I had given him everything sexually, and yet he nonetheless turned to the laptop screen, on nights I was OPEN AND keen to get it on. He basically told me that men are visible creatures, and he cannot help his eyes wandering even when we are simply walking around in the mall together. I understand the whole visual thing, I get it. We had a lengthy conversation about it, to the point we questioned divorce because I was hurting from it, and he wasn’t willing to give it up. I felt like I was being cheated on. I never forbid him from watching it, but I did tell him how it tore me apart on the inside. He initiated a covenant eyes software on our computer that would assist filter out the porn, but it still gets via. We have forgiven each other, we attempted to return to a normal marriage, but it hasn’t been the same since. I think he misses his porn. I am broken, I feel empty, worthless, unattractive. I tried getting out more, I signed up for a gym, spent more time being productive at work/home/etc. We had a few sessions of counseling. All emotions have been expressed to each different. I recognize time heals, but I need to listen from a few other girls how they regained your vanity after this situation? I no longer feel a sense of price from my husband and I have became to my job as a nurse for my identity. I signed up for school to further my education, joined a gym, spend more time with friends and family, but none of this fixes my relationship/feelings for my husband. I try to forgive and forget as the Bible teaches and to find my worth from God, but I still feel cheated and betrayed. I know he no longer views me as the once robust and independent woman after I expressed my pain. So girls, does it get better? How did you accept as true with your man again? How did you block your thoughts from the suspicions and guilt? How did you let your man back into your heart instead of guarding it expecting to be hurt again? I want to paintings through it, but as of now, it isn’t working. I frequently struggle just to get him to “rise to the occasion” even if I am butt-naked on top of him. I feel like I am constantly being compared to those women and am not meeting his expectations. I often blame myself for gaining weight, or whatever physical criticism I find in the mirror. The counseling didn’t work… so now what?
Best answer:
Answer by T C
Great. Another bible-thumping, insecure woman who is out of touch with reality. Men are visual creatures, they will look at different women and porn. There is nothing wrong with it, it is perfectly natural. It’s not HIS problem to deal with, it’s YOURS. If you can’t be told to get over it and be safe with yourself you are going to live a lonely miserable existence with a dozen or so cats.
What do you think? answer below!
You need to relax. Masturbation is healthy and normal. Don’t ruin a good marriage because you’re too uptight.
I think it’s hypocritical that you would rather divorce him than let him look at porn. Divorce, to me, is worse in God’s eyes than porn. *shrug*
You also let him go into lingerie stores and excite his sexual fantasies, yet you won’t let him look at a picture?
If he masturbates to porn, what harm does it do to you? Does he love you less? No!
You will make him resent you and hate you if you continue to treat him like your child. If you don’t want your spouse to watch porn, then be a nun.
April 7th, 2012 at 3:41 amstop thinking something wrong with ur body just because that pig wants porn listen guys do this but only the ones who get left alone and die with the porn it u really unhappy then say divorce it not a bad thing to do that if he hurting u and he won’t stop there no point being with this man u can find another one who won’t do this and if u still want him then its okay too
April 7th, 2012 at 4:05 amjust block his porn on his laptop tell him if you find it one more time u taking the laptop away and tell him he needs to look at real women not a women on a computer screen 😉 hope i help
PS TC i bet ur the one who lonely miserable right now so don’t call her insecure we women turn insecure cause of guys like u so u should shut up and learn manners u porn addicted !
You need to figure out exactly why it bothers you so much – is it because “porn is bad” or because you don’t feel like you can measure up to women who have sex on camera professionally?
Now, I don’t want to judge and yes I was raised Christian but no long practice. I commend you for waiting until you were both married to have sex, but there also is a reason people don’t wait. We no longer live in a society where it disgraceful for people to divorce. So they take the opportunity to discover themselves sexually, and when they get married they know exactly what they like. It is possible that while your husband was excited for sex the first few months, he found himself to be not sexually attracted to you.
Or, it could just be that he feels so guilty about the porn that he can’t perform. It isn’t that you aren’t good enough – some men just like porn. And it isn’t cheating! Think of this like this – sometimes a guy (or woman) just wants to get off without having to “perform”. That’s where porn comes in. But if it is truly a deal breaker for you then you need to acknowledge that. It is unfair to keep nagging and making him feel guilty, and making yourself miserable. If he truly loves you and can have a healthy relationship while watching porn, you should learn to look past it. NO ONE is perfect. You will never find someone you’re 100% compatible with. Through God you have to learn to love each other for who you are, not who you want each other to be.
April 7th, 2012 at 4:10 ami know exactly how you feel. some women do not care if their men watch it but like you and me it feels like a betrayal etc…. my husband stopped watching it as far as i know cuz he said he respected the fact i hate it and it makes me feel the way i do about it, i mean i cant help the way i feel. He doesnt have a comp i do, and there is no porn in the house, maybe you should discuss it again once and for all just put it all out there. but hun to let you know 99 percent of men watch it in some way shape or form. so divorce and being with some one else is not going to give you peace of mind. Or maybe you can compermise, watch it with him… someone gave me that advice, i tried it a few times, and ya now and then its ok but not everytime you make love, iam not a fan of it personally but it gives them a fix and you something new to do. i am prob not helping you very much iam sorry, i know it is hard. iam sorry you have to deal with this, i constantly have suspicion every day, so i dont think you every get over it, if you are adverse to this like i am. i feel like iam being compared everyday as well, and in a sense i am, bcz i do things he will say wow i only that they did that in the movies….. but your husband loves you you love him, you two will work something out do not put yoour self the the ringer because of this and do things that make you feels good not just for your husband. And these men that have the perfect sexy women are still watching porn,its a dirty thing a fantasy an addiction….that film industry thrives on it. but if you talk to guys they say hell ya i like to watch it sometimes but i would never want that as a wife or a girlfriend thats disgusting….men huh? Your husband married you not a porn star. you two will get through it if he and you truly love each other you will both make your relationship work good luck to you
April 7th, 2012 at 4:22 amthanks for sharing. I have heard from countless women who think that they must not be good enough, other-wise why would he be looking at other women on porn. some women know that they are beautiful, attractive and some know that they are stunning, and so they are really puzzled. something else is going on entirely. the reason why most men watch porn has little to do with them looking for an attractive girl that interests them. no it is because they are being severely affected, mentally impacted by the tricks they use in various sexual presentations to give them a mental high, which they experience as a sexual high. You’re lucky to get this info. people are suffering silently like yourself, so tell everyone the true Nature of the Problem, point them to the solution manual & website, mentioned after my answer, and tell them to tell others. I used to be intensely into watching porn, and I overcame it. if i can anyone can overcome this problem. Nature of Problem: Mind manipulation: various sexual presentations are filled with numerous very strong impactful mind altering manipulations. The viewer has no chance to defend themselves. The viewer is delivered a powerful mental high, which is experienced as a powerful sexual high. The book reveals the manipulations, explaining how the mind works, and detailing how to free the mind from these cunning deceptions.
April 7th, 2012 at 4:57 amI assure you he thinks you’re better than all the others. Don’t compare yourself, it’s apples and oranges. He’s not comparing. I think the key is how much time he spends looking. If it’s quick and over with It’s pretty normal. If it takes up any productive portion of his time he has a problem and needs to get help. He needs to see for real that he has a problem. There is no excuse for excessive porn but it is still not cheating on you unless it takes away from his time with you because there is no intamacy, there is no relatonship, there is no physical contact. It takes one or more of those to be cheating. It’s more common than you think for a guy to take a look and a quick wank. It’s really not anything to be concerned about if that’s all it is. If it’s consuming then you need to get (him) help or consider moving on if it’s a deal breaker. He’s probably not going to change.
April 7th, 2012 at 5:13 am